I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
