omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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