Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So many bounce houses so little time
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
