GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
