did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
