can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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