I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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