She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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