You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
