My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
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You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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