lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Boobs speak an international language.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
