is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
