Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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