well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
