i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
