Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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