Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
