Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
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okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
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Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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