Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
