I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the day after is always just damage control
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
