The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
