I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
