If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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