some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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