I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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