we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
