I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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