Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
