i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
And then he peed in my hair
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