He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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