they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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