All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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