Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
