I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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