i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
party gras won. party gras always wins.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
