So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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