I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
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They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
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I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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