I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
