I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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