I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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