this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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