you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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