I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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