having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
