i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
