i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
time to smoke my breakfast
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
