I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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