i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize