i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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