Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize