So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
