just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my shit smells like andre
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
