shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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