I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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