Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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