Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's always time for handjobs
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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