We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
