Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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