It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
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She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
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i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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