We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
