Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
