She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
