booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
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Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
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I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize