what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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