I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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