You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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