weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
