period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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