"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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