I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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