Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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