somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
