You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We need a shit load of segways right now
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
