No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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