And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
