i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
