when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
