your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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