Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
