Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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